Vulnerability - A Glide into Surrendering
The healing is in the return.
- Sharon Salzberg
Saying thank you, offering an apology (with no excuses), heart-fully accepting a gift . . . gestures that are both commonplace and often get stuck in our throats.
It takes being vulnerable, being soft, to truly feel and express the tenderness of openly receiving a compliment or a gift. It takes vulnerability and courage to acknowledge when we have hurt someone, especially without expecting something in return. It is often vulnerable to say thank you from our souls.
Vulnerability comes from the Latin word vulnus, which means wound. Interestingly, the origin of the word is also a needed component for courage and authentic connection.
Wound. Who in this world has not experienced a wound. In fact, we are all deeply susceptible to a wound of separation. Until we know something deeper and more real, there is a universal belief in being separate, apart from each other (disconnected even from our own inmost depths), separate from nature and the planet we all share.
For the most part, we live in a profound disconnect.
It has been said that we come to this planet for an interior remembering . . . remembering, waking up to the reality of our interconnectedness within the love that binds and permeates everything.
A while back four astronauts circled the moon and the planet, sending images of our world floating in profound darkness, as well as shots from the back of the moon. We have seen images before and yet . . . this moment . . . these images . . . alive and stunning, reminded us, once again, we are surrounded and held by an incomprehensible black vastness that is silent, velvety, beautiful and alive. A unified vastness with no beginning and no ending. A spaciousness that is not only holding us but, given there is nothing indicating barriers or borders, energetically permeating every nook and cranny of all there is on this earth we call home.
The astronauts were interviewed, moments after their arrival back to earth. Christina Koch, one of the four astronauts, spoke of what it meant to her to be a crew aboard the rocket.
*In it all the time no matter what
*Stroking together every moment with the same purpose
*Willing to sacrifice, silently for each other
*Gives grace – holds accountable
*Has same cares and same needs
*Inescapably, beautifully, dutifully linked
Struck by all the blackness around the earth she likened the earth as a lifeboat hanging undisturbedly in the universe.
She declared, Planet Earth: You Are A Crew
Mystics, sages, wise beings all through time has said the same thing. We are in this together, as one. We live encased in beautiful, silent, and vast spaciousness. The energetic quality is experienced as unconditional love.
* * * * * * * * * *
In Jewish legend, an angel appears to every one of us, before entering the womb, and shows us the mystery and fullness of Life Itself. Showing us all there is to know.
At the moment of entering this world she puts her finger above our lips, pressing hard to cause an indentation and having us forget everything we have seen.
What if all of our earthly experiences are designed to chisel away everything in the way of our knowing . . . remembering what we have forgotten . . . remembering our true home, our true nature, the essence of reality. . . bringing us back to a life of ease, union, and love.
What if a conscious and awakened life is one of ever-deepening vulnerabilities, openings, softening, loosening and dissolving our familiar smaller selves – armor by armor, guardedness by guardedness. Small and large dying. Our small selves depend on control, certainty and protection. The opposite of vulnerable; the opposite of allowing the increasing awareness of the enormity of something much larger and more spacious.
We typically shy away from feeling vulnerable . . . unguarded, radically honest and transparent. Vulnerability often feels scary, weak, dangerous, overly exposed and naked – something to avoid at all costs.
Vulnerability for our small selves is often (not necessarily consciously) associated with childhood dependency, early wounds and trauma.
If and when we were hurt, betrayed, too alone when young, it is not uncommon to have a deep seated “decision” to avoid any and all circumstances that might touch early wounds. While this is understandable and is worthy of great compassion; it is also what blocks us from surrendering what is in the way of living from our true nature . . . from letting go and allowing life to flow through us, with Its mighty intelligence.
You might close your eyes and notice, simply notice, what sensations, thoughts and feelings are alive for you right now.
You might ask yourself, “what am I unwilling to feel right now?”
Allow yourself to feel into that unwillingness for 5%. Don’t push, try to change anything or judge.
Simply notice.
It can take practice, intention, devotion and willingness to become familiar and at ease with true vulnerability.
When our wounds are buried, avoided and sent scurrying away from consciousness, vulnerability tends to be distorted and look a lot like neediness, insecurity, timidity, rigidity, wishy-washy, feeling critical/judgmental, disconnected from true feeling, and the densest wall of all – shame! Rather than bringing people closer to you when you feel vulnerable, this distorted view of transparency is often a turn-off. For all involved.
It is valuable to unbury the neediness, the fears of dependency, and the deeply-seated wounds of our lives, especially the pain that comes from a belief in us being separate (and therefore, terribly alone).
Know that this distorted version of vulnerability is a learned, conditioned and small understanding of who you are. Listen more deeply . . . be still and listen to the quiet voice that resides in all of us. The powerful still point that is alive in all of us and holds the wisdom and love we are all seeking. Discover for yourself how love shows up when you are ready to face yourself for real.
From that still point, allow yourself to discover the radical gift of divine vulnerability – a surrender into openness, uncovering and remembering.
The radical gift of divine vulnerability:
*The heart opens and opens, feeling all there is to feel
*The heart breaks wide open at times
*A profound surrendering of what is happening . . . now . . . now . . .now
*A dropping of defenses/protections, over and over – softening more and more
*A naked intimacy (with 10,000 things). A meeting like no other in its wonder.
*Gazing deeply and fully into “another’s” eyes. Making eye contact.
*Resting in silence
*Letting go of distorted beliefs (discovering and facing precisely what they are)
*Radical honesty with yourself. Learning how to be kindly honest.
*Living within the unknown, uncertainty. Letting go of the belief in control.
*Receiving, allowing deeply, love, gifts and offerings
*Being transparent – allowing your deepest truths into the light of day
*Apologizing – admitting hurting someone or yourself – with full ownership.
Surrender into the current of Life itself – trust in the unbound spaciousness that is holding us all.
If you think
the Eccentric God who made
the octopus
is gonna judge you
for your sins,
I’m afraid you’ve missed
the mark.
if you think this
Wild God
that spins galaxies
as a pastime
cares to get fussy
about your mistakes,
or has ever made anything
that wasn’t born
perfect and luminous,
you might need to repent.
If you can’t yet admit
how lovable and
infinitely worthy
the fullness of your human nature is
and if you think God
wants to do anything
but perpetually pour
an abundance of love gifts
upon you,
well, my dear, your soul
just might need
to go to confession.
Chelan Harkin